Much has been going on in my life lately that has me rethinking where I need to be and what I need to be doing. This summer has been in constant motion, with only a few moments of relaxation. Recently, it was capped off with a family altercation and a family death (separate incidents – the death was just from old age). Unfortunately, because of my job, I wasn’t able to accompany my husband to the funeral in Michigan for the five days that he was there. Since my husband is our primary caregiver for our son, I had to work from home for three days and my boss wasn’t pleased. He basically told me that I needed to start rethinking my childcare “situation”, so that I had a more predictable schedule and could go back to working 8-5 (I’m working 8-4 right now and have had to take time off to bring my son to appointments…because he was a freakin’ preemie, born three months early and has twice as many appointments as full term babies do…but I digress).
This spawned many emotions in me – anger, irritation, sadness, anxiety. I didn’t want someone else raising my child. I didn’t want to witness all my baby’s firsts through a video a daycare provider sent. I was getting tired of only having an hour of “Happy Baby” after I got home from work and then two hours of “Grumpy Baby” before he fell asleep for the night.
My five days with B showed me just how much he’s doing right now. The babbling, trying to sit up, actually engaging with the toys attached to his activity seat. He said “Mumma!” the other day…and I was there to respond to him, showing him that I’m Mumma, and when he calls for me, I’m right there.
All of this culminated into a dawning realization that I’m missing out on my baby’s growth and development!
Nick and I started running numbers, weighing the pros and cons. Could we make it on just his salary? What would we have to give up? Could we afford a bigger house without my income? Many things came into play in making this decision, but in the end, the benefits of me staying home with the baby far outweighed anything else.
So yesterday, I gave my notice. September 22nd will be my last day, after almost seven years at my current job. And September 23rd will be my first day as a Stay at Home Mom. It’ll be the first time in my life that I won’t be working outside the home. It’s exciting, but a little nerve wracking, too, despite the fact that I have always envisioned being a SAHM; raising my children on a little hobby farm; following a flexible Waldorf style of homeschooling.
There is so much I want to teach that little boy! And now I can.
While I’ll miss my fellow coworkers, I am looking forward to being a more present mother and wife, to being able to take time for me as an individual, and to share the things I have learned in life to my son, to help him grow into an intelligent, well-rounded, loving, compassionate and creative human being.